Growing up, my dad always thought us how to be humble and calm but not timid. You can stand your ground by not being violent. After all, a man with mosquito perching on his testes realises there are amicable ways to settle differences without violence.
One fateful day, there was this shop with a pretty Amaka as the sales girl. The only way you could see Amaka was if you patronised the shop or in the church. I was a little chorister then and my shift was normally 6am mass but Amaka graces the 8am mass. So I became God's favorite, I worked extra time in his vineyard because of Amaka... Mumu me.
Most often, before mass would finish, Amaka has left the church with her parents, she would wave me goodbye while I smile like roasted goat. So, world people, one fateful day...
Amaka's shop was way up in the street, I would ignore my neighbour who sells provision, walk past three other stores and go to my Amaka. Most times Amaka is never alone. Either with her sister or her mother.
World people, this fateful day, my siblings wanted to soak "garri". Before anybody could say Jack, I had volunteered to buy groundnut and dashed off to go see Amaka. Unfortunately I met her sister. She knows why I'm always coming around and this time she screamed "Amaka no dey house".
"I want to buy groundnut"
"All the way from your house" she stared at me.
"Yes" I stood my ground.
She rummaged through nylons and brought two groundnuts at 20Naira each. I gave her 50Naira. Babe said no change. I walked back home.
On getting home, garri don finish. Hooligans don wash plate sef and that was the last garri and sugar left in the house. My brother took one groundnut from me and I shared the other with my sister. That was my afternoon food..
World people, with sapa (hunger) in my blood, mixed with anger, I went for my change in the evening. Immediately I got there Amaka's sister shouted "Amaka no dey.. Change no dey.. Groundnut no dey". I left with teary eyes and grumbling stomach. I went back in the evening. My mind was made up, there's no way I will take two L's.
World people, I didn't get my change that day. The next day on my way back from school I saw her sitting outside. I stared at her, she stared back until I was past her sight. Fifteen minutes later, I walked past again and there was another stand out with the eyes. I was singing in my mind "gbajie aka ji ya k'oke nkem nwea rum aka" (God break the hand that's holding it let my share get to me)... Mumu me.
The next day, I went for my staring competition. Immediately she saw me she shouted atop her voice.
"Come and take your 10Naira oooo before you kill me with your eyes"
World people, I walked up the hill to where she sat. Lo and behold Amaka was seated there.
"You wan pursue fine girl, shishi you no get" her sister blurted out.
"I tire o" Amaka responded.
My 10 Naira fell off, another staring competition started. World people, I bent down and picked it up shamelessly amidst silent giggles. Amaka has disappointed me. I "uncrushed" my crush that very moment. Look at small Amaka that I want to bring closer to God's vineyard..
Small boy of 11 years, what will I do with a crush sef?? 🤔🤷🤦🤷Mtcheeewww.. Mumu me 😂😂
CITE
World People Mansion,
Room Mumu Me.
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